Chocolate's Hidden History

Aahhh, the smell of it…the taste of it…the texture…of course I refer to that thing, that very substance that calls to us when we find sleep elusive at two in the morning; that holy manna that lofts us on high when our physical train is running low on soul coal; the best munchie to be wolfed down at 4:27; the only essence known to modern science that can soothe the savage feminine beast when the inimitable Aunt Flo comes a’ calling. That wonderious thing known as…chocolate.

With the exception of those who may be allergic to it (and even then some of those unfortunate enough to have low tolerance to chocolate will partake, against their better judgment), I have never met the person that can say they don’t like chocolate. And there are so many ways that a person can enjoy it: chocolate milk, chocolate bars (of various kinds), as a fondue dip, as an ice cream flavor, or heated in milk or water which creates the best thing one can have after a day of playing in the snow, hot chocolate. We all have a vague, general idea of how it is manufactured, but how many of us know the history of the very food stuff that seems to unite all peoples all over the world? Come away with me, dear reader, and let us delve into that very mystery.

In the dim and distant past, most the only people who knew about chocolate were the indigenous peoples of South and Central America. They were the original folks who cultivated the cacao tree and its beans. They mixed the ground up beans with water and added chili and various other spicy substances, shook vigorously until frothy, which created a hot to the tongue type of drink. According to pictographs on the walls of some home and cocao storage buildings that yet exist, the drink was mostly consumed by the wealthy, ruling class, and priests. In fact, the bean was used as a form of currency at that time, making it an extremely valuable commodity. It is also said that the cocao tree itself was a gift from the serpent god Quetzalcoatl.

The first European records of the cocao were from the Spanish conquistador, Cortez, who eventually brought this drink back to Spain with him. This is when the first attempts were made to sweeten it with sugar (sugar was another treat for the wealthy at that time), resulting in a huge hit with the nobles. Strangely enough the Spanish kept this drink to themselves, as there is no record of cocao being mentioned in any writings other than Spanish texts for the next almost hundred years.

Eventually, the sugared chocolate drink found its way into the courts of Europe, becoming a huge hit among the elites of the age. Doctors of the times documented its apparent aphrodisiac properties (now I know why we give the ladies chocolates on valentines day) among other medical miracles, and the merchant trade of cocao becomes a larger part of the economy of Europe.

It was during this time that a group of nuns in France started making a solid chocolate, the precursor to our modern day chocolate bar. They probably would have had a hit on their hands, but for the intrusion of the Pope himself. Apparently, church delegates who had visited the cloistered home of the nuns claimed that they weren’t performing their daily chores and up keep, and were behaving in a covetous and gluttonous manner in all things surrounding the chocolate. The Pope was so distressed at this that he banned chocolate by Papal decree, threatening excommunication to any one involved in the manufacture of this devils food. Needless to say, the black market that dealt chocolate to the nobles was a booming industry.

Eventually the papal furor died down, and chocolate began to be mass produced again; most notably by a company owned by John Cadbury (ever hear of the Cadbury chocolate company? Yep, same family) which made him the richest food manufacturer in all of Europe.

The rest, as they say, is history.

HPV and Gardasil: Wonder Drug or Hoax?

I’m sure by now that most folks have seen the commercial that has been running which promotes the new cervical cancer vaccine (Gardasil) by the Merck pharmaceutical company. If you haven’t (or if you need a reminder), here it is:

I have to admit that it is a very clever spot. Sober minded, active, serious young ladies getting the word out about something wonderful that might just save your life; sistahs’ doin’ it for themselves. Makes you all warm and fuzzy, don’t it? For the most part, being the skeptic of the pharmaceutical industry that I am, I just put off the promo as yet another attempt by the industry to hawk and market some more of their wares through the use of the mixture of a fear and goodwill message in their advertising. That is until the last few weeks when news reports began circulating that many States had proposed legislation (or passed said legislation, in the case of Texas) to make such a vaccine mandatory for all girls 9-16 attending school within their jurisdiction. My ears perked, I decided to investigate a little further into the situation to find out if the drug was what it was purported to be, if there was a need to make such a treatment mandatory, and why industry and government were pushing it so hard on the public.

What Is HPV?
Human Pappilomavirus (HPV) is, according to the FDA’s website, a sexually transmitted disease that is passed on through genital contact. Additionally, a full 50% of all people who ever have sex will get HPV (according to Children’s Hospital Boston, over 20 million people currently have HVP). There are apparently many variations of HPA (about 100 types according to the CDC), many of them have no symptoms whatsoever and generally go away on their own; but there are a few strains of the virus that may actually cause physical problems, such as genital warts, and may even be a cause of cervical cancer in women.

According to a report in the Washington Post, HPV itself is the most common sexually transmitted disease in the country and is responsible for virtually 100% of all cases of cervical cancer. In June of 2006 the CDC issued a recommendation that all women aged 9-26 should receive treatment in the form of a vaccine, Gardasil, that was supposed to stop the onset of HPV (although, not cure it if it was already transmitted).

The Vaccine
Gardasil (Quadrivalent Human Papalomavirus Recombinant Vaccine) is a product made by the Merck Company that is supposed to keep women from getting HPV. According to Merck’s website it is the: “Only vaccine that may help guard against diseases that are caused by HPV types 6, 11, 16, and 18”. According to the site, types 16 and 18 are the cause for 79% of cervical cancer cases and types 6 and 11 are responsible for 90% of all genital warts cases. It is supposed to be given in the form of a series of three injections, spaced a few months apart, in order to get the full benefit from the vaccine. It is recommended for women between the ages of 9 to 26, before they have had any sexual activity, as a preventive measure. Even though one may have had intercourse, one may still get the shots due to the fact that even a sexually active female may not have gotten the four specific types of HPV that the treatment guards against. Side effects, according to Merck, are minimal, mostly concerning irritation at the point where the needle entered the skin and rare cases of some nausea and vomiting.

On the surface, this seems to be a benign situation: a drug company has come up with a vaccine that can actually prevent a form of cancer that targets women, potentially alleviating (and eventually wiping out) the threat of cervical cancer. Going no deeper, one could say that this wonder-drug is somewhat miraculous. But is all as it seems?

The Other Side Of The Coin

First, let’s take a look at the research done to measure the safety and effectiveness of the vaccine. The only studies conducted was the two that Merck did in order to get FDA approval for the drug (it may come as a surprise, but when a company comes before the FDA for a drug approval the only study requirement is that the company that created and is marketing the drug needs to do a study for effectiveness and side effects…no outside sourcing of studies are necessary to get the nod from the FDA) and those study, say some critics, didn’t go far enough. The first review followed the effectiveness of the vaccine over a three years period, which might at first seem like plenty of time to gather information, but the documented tracking of side effects only goes up to 18 months; critics decry if such a treatment is to be made mandatory than the study should have had a heavier focus on any harmful long term side effects, more so if the vaccines might have to be taken multiple times over the course of a child’s life (once for the initial series of three shots, and then a booster of one to three shots every three to four years). Additionally, although 20,000 females were included in the testing (half getting the shots and half getting a placebo) only 100 subjects were aged 9 (the recommended ‘starting’ age for the treatment), which the critics say skews the results of negative effects (as well as effectiveness) in children of that age (there was another study done by the company in which 12,000 females tested the drug, but it was only between the ages of 16 to 26). Critics also worry about the rush to market that Merck Company has employed, citing later evidence that the vaccine additive Thiomersal (added as a preservative to many vaccines from the 1930’ until it was pulled from the US market in 2003) was linked to an increase in cases of autism.

The cost of the shots are quite high or even prohibitive to lower income families. Each shot will cost an average of $120, with the entire series of the three initial shots coming to $360. Although there are some organizations that help lower income families pay for vaccinations, no insurance company has (as of this writing) agreed to cover the cost of the treatment.

Critics also claim that there is no reason to make the vaccines mandatory for anyone, much less for children. Although cervical cancer is a terrible disease, out of the 750,000 cancer deaths reported in the US ever year only 3,700 are from cervical cancer. Additionally, according to the CDC, the rate of reported cases of cervical cancer has dropped nearly 75% over the last ten years. That being said, cervical cancer, while still a killer of women, is not an epidemic by any measure and the vaccination of potentially millions of girls for HPV (Texas and Washington DC have passed legislation to make Gardasil part of children’s vaccination schedule, and 26 more states have legislation pending) is simply not warranted (for perspective purposes, over 150,000 people die from the flu – or flu related symptoms, such as pneumonia – every year in the US, but the flu vaccine is not mandatory).

Many conservative critics who decry making the vaccine mandatory state that they believe that the administering of this vaccine will encourage sexual promiscuity in teenaged female students.

Additionally the methods used by Merck to ‘raise public awareness’ through their ad campaign, as well as their lobbying efforts, have come under scrutiny. In addition to a years worth of heavy-rotation commercial spots, the Merck company spent millions of dollars through private lobbying companies as well as through an organization called Women in Government (a bi-partisan, non-profit organization chaired by women who hold positions in government; critics claim an inherent bias in that fact that Merck made heavy donations to this organization which included among its membership and board of directors many women involved in state and federal legislation). Also, if the vaccine is put on the vaccination schedule list for school-children, it is automatically folded into the National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act (which is legislation which protects vaccine manufacturers of any ‘mandatory’ shots from liability from any adverse effects of their products)


The Company

Merck pharmaceuticals got its start in 1891 as an American subsidiary of a German parent company (Merck KAgA, primarily a chemical manufacturer). During WWI, along with many other German companies at that time, it was confiscated by the US government and set up as a private corporation. Now, the company counts itself as one of the five largest pharmaceutical companies in the world. In addition to making drugs, the company also owns the Merch Manuel of Diagnosis and Therapy (a major tool used by doctors to make diagnoses) and the Merck Index (considered the bible of chemical compounds).

Over the years the company has had its share of legal troubles with some of the drugs that it has brought to market, most recently (and most publicly) was the flap a few years back over their offering, Vioxx. In 1999 the FDA approved the use of Vioxx for the treatment of arthritis; soon after the drug became one of the most prescribed drugs in history. In 2001 there was some speculation that the drug greatly increased the risk of heart attacks; the company reacted by conducting a study of the drug which concluded that there was no connection to Vioxx and increased heart disease – nonetheless they adjusted the warning label on Vioxx to include a warning of a possible risk. In 2004 Merck withdrew Vioxx from the market due to concerns of it increasing the risk of heart disease (even though the FDA still approved the drug but recommended that more prominent warnings should be placed on the label of the drug). Later that same year the esteemed medical journal, The Lancet, published a report that Merck had full knowledge of Vioxx’s side effects on the heart as early as 2000, and publicly condemned the company for keeping the drug on the market even after they knew that it posed a serious health threat. In August of 2006, Merck lost a suit brought against them by the family of a man who had taken Vioxx and died of a heart attack; the court awarded them over 250 million dollars (later reduced to 20 million, the maximum payout according to Texas law). A the time of that case, Merck was fending off another 4,000 lawsuits that had been brought up against them due to their keeping Vioxx on the market after they knew it was extremely harmful.

Conclusion

Personally, I have no problem with a company releasing a drug to market that might just save thousands of lives (although I do indeed have a problem with the way said approval is gotten for those drug by the FDA). But it seems to me that it is excessive, to say the least, to make such a treatment mandatory for school children…more so when the potential long term side effects are a big question mark. And considering that this drug is being released by a company already caught recently keeping drugs on the market that it knew were dangerous, diminishes the credibility of the company and its claims that the vaccine had been thoroughly tested and is indeed safe. Add to that the amount of money and effort spent on lobbying for legislation to make the vaccine part of a child’s shot schedule (and, in turn, protecting the company from lawsuits that may arise due to harmful effects of the vaccine), and I think one could make a case that what we may be witnessing is blatant corruption and collusion between our elected representatives and private industry.

Am I saying that the vaccine is bad, or that no one should take it? Of course not…I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. But I do have to voice a serious concern about what appears to be a situation where all is plainly not as it seems, and justifiable doubt in our legislators and pharmaceutical companies.

Cited Works

ARTICLES:
Washington Post Article: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/07/17/AR2006071700955.html
New York Times: http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?sec=health&res=9E06E7DF163FF93BA25754C0A9609C8B63
AP story : http://www.feed24.com/go/41243720
NPR: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7190905
Lawrence-journal: http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2007/jan/26/bill_would_require_hpv_shot_girls/?kansas_legislature
CBS news: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/01/26/eveningnews/main2403795.shtml
Kaiser: http://www.kaisernetwork.org/daily_reports/rep_index.cfm?DR_ID=42775

MERCK:
Gardasil Home page: http://www.gardasil.com/
Merck info:

FDA and CDC:
Causes of Death in the US (pdf): http://www.csdp.org/research/1238.pdf
Health Statistics: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/lcod.htm
CDC faq on HPV: http://www.cdc.gov/nip/vaccine/hpv/hpv-faqs.htm
FDA page on Gardasil: http://www.fda.gov/cber/label/hpvmer060806LB.htm

OTHER:
HPV: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hpv
National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Childhood_Vaccine_Injury_Act
Children’s Hospital Boston: http://www.childrenshospital.org/views/december06/breakthrough_hpv_vaccine.html
Thiomersal: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thiomersal
Women in Government: http://www.womeningovernment.org/home/

Other Works
Web MD: http://www.webmd.com/content/article/123/115100

Annals of Internal Medicine article on over-prescription of drugs: http://www.annals.org/cgi/content/full/127/6/429

Zappa - a critical look at joe's garage (part 3)

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Unfortunately for Joe, his cry of poverty only gets him carted off to a rather dismal location. Explains the Central Scrutinizer:

Central Scrutinizer:Hello there...this is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe was
sent to a special prison where they keep all the other criminals from the music
business...you know...the ones who get caught...it's a horrible place, painted
all green on the inside, where musicians and former executives take turns
snorting detergent and plooking each other...

Joe is soon forced into a life of being “plooked” unmercifully by the denizens of the prison, a population comprised of deviant musicians and industry executives. His existence, behind the green walls of the prison that has become his world, is about as grim and cheerless as an existence can be. Joe puts forth a valiant effort to rebel against the world he now finds himself in…but, alas, the struggle is strictly internal.

Joe: (somewhat exhausted)These executiveshave plooked thefuck out of me. And
there's still a longtime to go before I've paid my debt to society. And all I ever
really wanted to do was play the guitar 'n bend the string
like Reent-toont-teent-toont-teenooneenoonee
I've got it

I'll be sullen and withdrawn

I'll dwindle off intothe twilight realmof my own secret thoughts. I'll lay
on my back here 'til dawn, In a semi-catatonic state
And dream ofguitar
notesThat would irritatean executivekinda guy...
And sure enough JOE dreams
up a few of those guitar notes that every executive despises...those low
ones...every exec knows it's only the records with the high squeally ones that
get to be hits...

Up until this point in the critique, I have not endeavored much to describe the music that accompanies the lyrics of Joe’s odyssey; but the music in the next segment warrants description.
The band is playing a slow two-note blues-like dirge; a pocket groove that never drags, but instead pulls the listener down into its swirling miasma of orchestrated despair. Then Zappa plays the imaginary guitar-solo that is audible only within the confines of Joe’s mind. What Zappa plays is not overly complex, but the way it is played conjures up images that would simply never exist if the guitar were in the hands of a lesser instrumentalist. It aches with pain of heart, flares with the anger of disillusionment, swells with the remnant of subdued pride, chills with the lack of hope, and cries with the end of potential. But somewhere within all of this, in between the actual notes played, one can still grasp a strand of hope. Not a hope of a physical release from bondage, nor for the optimistic expectation of any return to normalcy; instead, it is the simple dream that some part of Joe which lies within the deepest recesses of his very nature, his very being, might actually survive after all that he has been through. As the imaginary guitar-solo comes to an end, Joe (with the tattered shards of a spiteful bitterness worn on his demeanor like a foul and sullied cloak) continues his thoughts:

Well, I guess thatone did the trick, If they only couldaheard it half-a-dozen of
'em woulda strangled while they was suckin'on each others' dicks. But that was only
a bunch of imaginarynotes I played. Just a little extra somethin' to keep me
goin' from day to day . That's okay, I'll be gettin' outta here pretty soon. Then I
won't have to live in this ugly fuckin' room. Can't wait to see, I can't wait to
see what it's like On the outside now...

Eventually, Joe finishes out the rest of his prison sentence and he finds himself once again in the outside world. But, as he wanders the streets he finds out that Music has been made totally illegal. Unable to do the thing he loves the most, he now makes up imaginary guitar-solos to the beat of the loading-zone mantra of the Central Scrutinizer, which echoes hollowly through the streets he now wanders.
Joe is now constrained within the malevolent grip of the “system”. And, as the old adage goes, “You can’t fight City Hall”, so Joe has apparently resigned himself to trying to follow the rules that have been laid out before him. But he still retains the soul of a revolutionary, illustrated by the imaginary guitar notes the he weaves around the loading-zone announcements.
The liner notes of the album continue the narrative:

JOE wanders through the world which by then has been totally epoxied over,
carefully organized, with everyone reporting daily to his or her appointed place
in a line somewhere in front of a window somewhere in a building somewhere in
order to collect his or her welfare check, which, when cashed, made it possible
for the young ones to continue the payments for the obsolete and irreparable
appliances their parents had purchased on the installment plan years ago,
providing as security the future incomes of their children. The rest of these
checks were used by the young recipients to buy fun things of their own on
credit, most of which broke down or failed within moments of purchase and seemed
to be stacking up everywhere.

This bleak vision of a possible future seems to be the focal point for the ideals presented within the album itself. It seems that Zappa is sharing with us the grave concerns he had in 1979 about too much government control in our lives; and the fear that we will become a consumer based society with no soul – creating nothing, dreaming nothing, simply existing to keep the economy going, and to continuously funnel money (and with it, power) into the hands and coffers of those who would be emperors upon our world.

The Central Scrutinizer watches Joe as he, “…stumbles over mounds of dead consumer goods formed into abstract statues dedicated to the Quality of American Craftsmanship, dreaming his stupid little guitar notes”. Then, the Scrutinizer says:
Central Scrutinizer:

This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Yes...he used to be a nice boy...He used to
cut the grass...But now his mind is totally destroyed by music. He's so crazy
now he even believes that people are writing articles and reviews about his
imaginary guitar notes…

The Scrutinizer watches Joe, dwells on who Joe had once (should have) been, and comes to a definitive conclusion about why Joe ended up in this sorry state. It was not the government, the girl, the religion, the prison or the rape that occurred there, nor the state of the country that Joe has recently become a part of once again. It was all because of the music.
Zappa is making a very powerful statement with these ideals that he is presenting. He seems to be saying that we, as a culture, are apparently able to blame the things that we consider subversive or counter-culture (Zappa uses music as the example, but various forms of expression that have come under attack in our country – writing, dance, painting and sculpture, speech, and journalism – can all be used to illustrate the point Zappa was apparently trying to make) for all that goes wrong in our society. But we seemingly, for the most part, reserve little scorn for others who betray our trust as long as they have a haircut, wear a nice suit, and talk to (at) us from a pulpit or dais.
As the album comes to its finale, the Scrutinizer leaves us with this thought:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...As you can see, MUSIC can get you pretty fucked up...Take a tip from Joe, do like he did, hock your imaginary guitar and get a good job...Joe did, and he's a happy guy now, on the day shift at the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen, arrogantly twisting the sterile canvas snoot of a fully-charged icing anointment utensil. And every time a nice little muffin comes by on the belt, he poots forth...
This final thought reaffirms the notion that is was the music that ruined Joe’s life. But now that he has conformed to societies expectations of a good, productive citizen, he has found happiness. We know from the strength of Joe’s internal fortitude that he likely retains the burning flame of individuality, although it is now hidden from view and kept far away from the prying eyes of governmental scrutiny. But is this truly a better end for poor, beleaguered Joe? Would it not have been better for him to stick to his guns and fight for what he believed in (and possibly die, or be forever “plooked”, in the trying), than to relegate his existence to a thick, opaque shell that hides the truth of his being? Is Zappa trying to let us know that it’s all right to wear the coat of subservience and predictability, as long as we keep the though of our dignity alive inside of us? Or, perhaps, he’s showing us that to not fight for your beliefs and rights is akin to a spiritual suicide? Or maybe, he just wants us to know that Joe is no different from the rest of us – a troubled man in troubled time; and, in the end, no more or less than human? Then again, aren’t we all?

Zappa - a critical look at joe's garage (part 2)

Joe takes the councilor up on his kindly offer, and meets a girl at a church social named Mary. Things seem to be going well until one night Mary finds herself backstage (and then later traveling on the tour bus) with a band called “Toad-oh”, performing unspeakable sexual acts with both the band members and road crew. Finding himself forcefully turned away from music, and becoming disillusioned with relationships after Mary broke his heart, Joe turns to religion to ease the pain of his soul:

Arriving at L. Ron Hoover's modernistic office / cathedral / warehouse /
condominium complex, Joe is greeted by a pre-recorded message and a dramatically
illuminated image on a wall-sized TV screen...
L. Ron Hoover:Welcome to the
First Church of Appliantology! The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only!

Again we hear the mantra of the Scrutinizer, this time being recited by the ghostly video-image of L. Ron Hoover, leader of the Church of Appliantology. This intro to the track, “A Token of My Extreme” cements the direct collusion between religion and ruling in Zappa’s created world. This is also a commentary on real concerns about religion and politics mixing. Zappa obviously saw the seed of the problems we are now facing (namely, the recent inability to separate the notion of Conservatism and the fanaticism of Fundamentalist Christianity).

As Joe relates his feelings of the grief within his soul, Hoover makes a grandiose pronouncement: Joe is a latent appliance fetishist ( as explained by Hoover, “a latent appliance fetishist is a person who refuses to admit to his or herself that sexual gratification can only be achieved through the use of machines”). Now all Joe has to do to find nirvana in this life is to find himself a nice appliance to have relations with…after learning how to speak German to entice a “really good” one to accede to Joe’s advances.

The directive given to Joe, at first glance, is apparently no more than some sort of deviant joke that Zappa threw in simply to shock the listener with pure absurdity. But, upon deper reflection, Zappa seems to be making commentary on religion itself. Religions are infamous for making incredible claims that are (almost) never proved out by science or the rational and reality of logic. Along with these articles of faith, are some outrageous claims on how to attain spiritual enlightenment or some form of ascension. Zappa, in his description of religion in this track, alludes to the notion that no matter how “out-there” the words of a man on a pulpit wearing a nice suit might be, that there will be those who will follow these directives without question. Additionally, the bigger the spiritual hole in a person (in the case of this tale, everything Joe has cared for has been whisked away from him) the more apt they are to seek out solace for their soul…but caring little for the specifics of where that assistance is coming from or what it is requiring one to do.

So Joe and his newfound date Sy Borg (a hunk of gadgetry that looks like it's a cross between an industrial vacuum cleaner and a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body), whom Joe seduced with his recent fluency in German, end up back at Sy Borg’s apartment for a night of (in the words of Zappa) “plooking”. Unfortunately, Joe “plooks” the machine much too roughly, causing the overtaxed gadget to break down.

Central Scrutinizer:This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... You have just destroyed
one model XQJ-37 Nuclear Powered Pan- Sexual Roto-Plooker And you're gonna have
to pay for it! So give up, you haven't got a chance.
Joe:But I...I, I, I, I,
I...I can't payI gave all my moneyTo some kinda groovyreligious guy...Two songs
ago...
Central Scrutinizer:Come on out son...Between the two of usWe'll find
a way toWork it out

Zappa uses an interesting lyrical quirk in the above passage. After the Robot is reduced to a gaggle of moist, sparking, and whirring circuits and do-dads, the Central Scrutinizer shows up to pronounce Joe’s guilt. But when asked to pay for the damage to the robot, Joe is unable to pay up due to the fact that he had given his money to L. Ron Hoover “two songs ago”. This series of lyrics denotes not only how inventive Zappa is in the use of his lyrics to paint a mental picture or to pass on a message, but also the way he uses words to create a sense of continuity throughout the entire album. Zappa makes the story seem more alive and vital and less rehearsed and liner. linear.

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Zappa - A Critical Look at 'Joe's Garage' (Part 1)

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Joe’s Garage: A Token of His Extreme

In studying an author or his works one can often point to a singular piece of work in order to define an artist; or possibly to analyze a given work that has become personal and meaningful to the one conducting the study itself. In choosing to examine Frank Zappa’s seminal recorded work, Joe’s Garage, this author would have to admit that the incredible production would fall into both the former and later categorizes.

Joe’s Garage weaves a tale of a very dark and grim future time in our American experience, furiously painted on an aural canvas shot through with the abstract, the comical, the frightening, and the absurd. If one takes the nineteen tracks that make up this masterpiece of musical theatre, one can glean from it many things: music that winds its way through various genres ranging from punk, to rock, to experimental jazz, to reggae; sublime musicianship that showcases the incredible talent that Zappa gathered to bring life to his creation; lyrics that can confuse with their complexity, bring about a chuckle or guffaw with their prankish punditry, offend with their blunt and straightforward honesty, or frighten with their darker vision. But if one takes the work as a whole, the entire concept offers the most nourishing food for thought on the reeking mess of bureaucratic manipulation that surrounds our desire to make sure our rights as citizens of this republic remain as rights – and are not relegated to the lesser roll of cherished but half-forgotten memories of the “golden years”, “good old days”, or “how things used to be”.

One can gather from some of his work (including some of the lyrical commentary he had made in Joe’s Garage) that Zappa might have felt apart from people as a whole; that he was not particular to being part of the American culture. In fact the contrary was true. Although he was a private man he was quite at home in the musical community he was a part of, often working with various well known artists (the likes of John Lennon, Eric Clapton, Sting) and kicking off more than a few careers (namely Steve Vai and Alice Cooper). And the fact that he was a performing artist plainly showed that he had an innate need to not only create but share his creations as well.

He did find himself scornful of most of the ideals and attitudes that were common in his continental environment. But he was also a societal sponge, soaking up various bits and pieces of Americana and inserting them in his various artistic endeavors. He simply avoided using these things in a way that people would expect. His father (Francis Zappa) had often talked about a great history of the world that he had wanted to write, from the perspective of personas not in power and without wealth… with Sicily as the hub of historical existence. His rational for this was that the history that had already been written and passed down was created for the amusement of the ruling classes; since the lower classes throughout history could not read, their rulers did not care about what happened to them.

Even though Francis never got around to writing this history, you can see that Zappa took the concept of his father’s thought to heart. His characters are at times “good guys” or “bad guys”, but their always just “some guys”…your average Joe surrounded by
a certain surrealism brought on by unforeseen circumstance or their own personal undoing.

Zappa’s body of work is often overlooked and dismissed as offensive, shock-music, inaccessible, or lyrically nonsensical. But the best way to determine if this is indeed true of Joe’s Garage is to actually study the work itself.

First we shall take a look at the narrator of our journey, known as The Central Scrutinizer. The scrutinizer is not a person…or at least not human in the traditional sense.
He is the product of the society which has allowed him to become real; a society that had left its own proverbial head buried deeply in the sand for way too long. In the liner notes of the album, Zappa describes him thusly:

Sometimes when you're not looking he just sneaks up on you. He looks like a cheap sort of flying saucer about five feet across with a snout-like megaphone apparatus in the front with two big eyes mounted like Appletons with miniature motorized frowning chrome eyebrows over them. Along the side of his disc-like body are several sets of stupid-looking headers and exhaust hoses which apparently propel him and punctuate his dialogue with horrible smelling smoke rings. In the middle of his head we can see an airport wind sock and constantly twirling anemometer. The bottom of him has a landing light and three spoked wheels. In spite of all this, it is obvious that the way he really gets around is by being dangled from place to place by a union guy with a dark green shirt up in the roof who is eating a sandwich (pieces of which drop off every once in a while and lodge themselves near the hole where they put the oil in that makes the cheap smoke).

The vile creature, his whispering, scratchy voice dripping with self assurance and oozing righteousness hovers into view and introduces himself and his purpose to the story:

This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...it is my responsibility to enforce all the laws that haven't been passed yet. It is also my responsibility to alert each and every one of you to the potential consequences of various ordinary everyday activities you might be performing which could eventually lead to *The Death Penalty* (or affect your parents' credit rating). Our criminal institutions are full of little creeps like you who do wrong things...and many of them were driven to these crimes by a horrible force called MUSIC! Our studies have shown that this horrible force is so dangerous to society at large that laws are being drawn up at this very moment to stop it forever! Cruel and inhuman punishments are being carefully described in tiny paragraphs so they won't conflict with the Constitution (which, itself, is being modified in order to accommodate THE FUTURE). I bring you now a special presentation to show what can happen to you if you choose a career in MUSIC...The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only...if you have to load or unload, go to the WHITE ZONE... you'll love it...it's a way of life...Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...Hi, it's me, I'm back. This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only...If yah gotta load, or if yah gotta unload, go to the WHITE ZONE. You'll love it...it's a way of life. That's right, you'll love it, it's a way of life, that's right, you'll love it, it's a way of life, you'll love it. This, is, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER!

The Scrutinizer seems to be an amalgam of all the negative characteristics that Zappa has perceived in our own various departments of law enforcement…seemingly heavy handed, smarmy, and always, always, all too willing to help you (the average citizen under the thumb of his protection) make up your mind about the laws (including the ones that haven’t been passed yet) that you have to follow and he has to enforce.

Now Zappa introduces the “hero” of our tale; a simple man with extravagant dreams – a man named Joe. In the first verse, Zappa describes the environment in which we find him:

It wasn't very large
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the Dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And a cheesy little amp
With a sign on the front said "Fender Champ"
And a second hand guitar
It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar

In a very breezy tone, Zappa manages to paint us a picture of the rehearsal space that the band practices in, a typical area that brings to mind the vision of what our common tongue would call a “garage-band”. The lyrics continue on to tell the tale of an all too typical band, in an all too typical garage, with all too typical parents who grow annoyed with the cacophony of sound and scream, “Turn it down!” into the garage. Much in the way of a typical group of young musicians, they ignore the pleas of Joe’s parents. Unfortunately, the neighbors are becoming upset at the racket that the band is causing, prompting a call to the local law enforcement agency. As the police are busy surrounding the garage, Joe muses:

Well the years was rollin' by, yeah
Heavy Metal 'n' Glitter Rock
Had caught the public eye, yeah
Snotty boys with lipstick on
Was really flyin' high, yeah
'N' then they got that Disco thing
'N' New Wave came along
'N' all of a sudden I thought the time
Had come for that old song
We used to play in "Joe's Garage"
And if I am not wrong
You will soon be dancin' to...
Central Scrutinizer:
The WHITE ZONE is for loading and
unloading only. If you
gotta load or unload,
go to the WHITE
ZONE. You'll love it...

Joe’s musing about the future is obviously Zappa’s lament about the state of the music industry. He had released quite a few songs about (what he thought of as) the sad state of the commercial music industry. This verse is simply another reiteration of that sentiment. But in the last part of the verse, we see Zappa’s fear of governmental control over the arts as he quips that we’ll soon be dancing to the mantra of the Central Scrutinizer that we had originally been privy too in the first track, “The Central Scrutinizer”. This might be a reference to the problems in Iran that he knew about during the time that he was working on this album, and a reflection of how their government banned all music soon after the Shah was deposed.
The Scrutinizer returns yet again in the track, as he explains what happens to Joe when the authorities finally arrive:
Central Scrutinizer:

This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...
That was Joe's first confrontation with The Law.
Naturally, we were easy on him.
One of our friendly counselors gave him
A do-nut...and told him to
Stick closer to church-oriented social activities.

Again, we see Zappa’s paranoia about governmental control. Joe was sent to a councilor for playing music, not for any sort of serious crime or wrongdoing; in addition, he was prompted to “stick closer to church oriented activities”. This line shows Zappa’s frustration with the cultural norms that we find ourselves constrained by (rock music bad, church good), as well as the mixing of church and state that he was so adamantly against.

(NOTE: continued in part 2)